Words
are a powerful instrument that can either lift you up or bring you
down in a matter of seconds. Naturally, we are open to our partners
and everything they have to say. Likewise, our loved ones are most
sensitive to our remarks, comments, criticism, and other modes of
communication that are less pleasant. Being in a relationship, you
really need to filter what you say and how you say it as the damage
caused by a few simple phrases can often be irreversible, causing
problems for years to come. Here are 8 things you should never say in
a relationship, unless you want to break up.
‘You
don’t know anything’
This phrase might
have been harmless for Jon Snow, but for us non-fictional beings
those words sting like a bee. Even if you’re arguing, this phrase
doesn’t do anything good – it just diminishes your partner’s
intelligence and cripples his self-worth. If you feel that your
partner doesn’t quite understand the issue, it’s best to say
something like ‘From where I stand…’ – make it about you and
your feelings, not your partner’s wrongdoings!
‘Everyone
knows that’s not how you do it’
The so-called
‘global criticism’ is the worst thing ever as it hits your
partner fully as a whole person and on different levels. A phrase
like ‘No, that’s no how you do it. Everyone knows it should be
done like this…’ is a blow below the waist, really. Try not to
compare your loved one to other people or the whole world in general
that supposedly knows best – it doesn’t. And your significant
other may end up hurt for a long time.
‘Don’t
take it personally, but…’
Well that’s the
exact way to make sure your loved one will take things
personally. If you want to be truthful, make sure you phrase whatever
you want to say as gently as possible. There’s a thin line between
being intimately sincere with your loved one and openly criticising
whatever you don’t like about him or her. Think whether what you’re
about to say will do both of you any good or is it something that you
should simply accept as part of your partner’s personality.
‘You seem
to have gained a few pounds’
Before
criticising your partner’s change in appearance, be it extra
weight, bad skin condition or smelly breath, think carefully what
could be the reason behind those things. Usually it’s not simply
because your partner ‘let himself go’, the issues run deeper and
you have to explore the roots of the problem. Stress, too much work,
low immunity, lack of sleep, and even supressed feelings – all
these could make your partner feel and look worse. So instead of
commenting on the outcome, try to address the issue and get to the
bottom of what’s bothering your loved one.
‘I hate
you’
Different things
can be said in the heat of the moment, but the H word should never be
uttered out loud. As easy as it is to blurt it out, the impact caused
by this phrase will last for months or even years, resurfacing each
time your partner feels hurt or the two of you get into an argument.
Don’t ever make your SO feel that he/she is not loved, even when
you’re in a serious fight. You’ll regret it, but it’ll be too
late to take the words back.
‘I don’t
have time for this’
You might be a
super busy person building a career and chatting on the phone 24/7,
but that doesn’t mean that your relationship should suffer because
of it. Brushing your partner off with this phrase will definitely
hurt his feeling and he will not feel like sharing anything with you
for a long time. If there’s a pending issue he wants to discuss,
ignoring his needs like that will only lead to a bigger crisis. So if
you really don’t have time to discuss things now, be sincere about
it and offer a day or an evening when you’ll sit down and talk
about everything that’s happening. This way your partner will now
that you actually care.
‘Now
that’s just silly/stupid’
You should be
really careful with comments when your partner opens up about
something. If he or she thinks it’s important to share this with
you, a phrase like ‘It’s stupid’ will hurt you loved one
in ways you can’t even imagine. Trust is one of the building blocks
of a happy and healthy relationship – you need to be sure that you
won’t be laughed at when you pour your heart out to your partner,
and he should feel the same way! Otherwise things won’t work
between you two.
‘No, I’m not sorry’
Being in an argument is tough as it is, but it’s even more difficult to say you’re sorry. And yet, sometimes it’s the only way to mend things! It’s useless to hold on to your pride when you need to think about the needs and feelings of the other person. Admit that mistakes have been made or you were wrong or rude…there’s always something you can apologize for! A simple ‘I’m sorry’ can do wonders for all types of relationships.
